


Various Storms & Saints

by hllfire



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad use of Telepathy, Based on the series Legion, Blood, Canon Era, Chapter 4: Alternative Ending, Charles Has Issues, Dark Charles Xavier, Dissociation, Drug Use (Morphine), Erik has Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Mind Control, Telepathy Isn't Fun Here, mild violence, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hllfire/pseuds/hllfire
Summary: Charles Xavier is interned in a psychiatric hospital thanks to the voices he had heard ever since he was a child, believed to be a schizophrenic man. He knows well now that those voices aren't in his own head, that he can control those voices, even if it takes its toll on him when he does so, and he learned to call the hospital his home after years.Things change, however, when a new patient arrives who can block Charles out of his mind — the first in the telepath's life —, catching his attention immediately.Title from "Various Storms & Saints" by Florence and the Machine.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 30
Kudos: 78





	1. Outside the world seems a violent place;

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to another Dark Charles fic because I just love making Charles use his powers selfishly sometimes and have a bad time :-)
> 
> I've been meaning to finish this fic for a while now and it's finally done and ready to post! It is based slightly on FX's Legion because I finished the series recently and it gave me Ideas for this Dark Charles before your eyes. It isn't a soft fic (there are its moments but it barely has fluff), it literally happens inside a mental hospital and in this AU Charles can't fully use telepathy without consequences thanks to his surroundings and experiences. I kindly ask you to read the tags before reading it because some stuff could be triggering for some people.
> 
> I have all the chapters ready for posting and at the end of this week I'll be posting the second chapter and epilogue to this! I divided because I didn't want a 9k oneshot (I've done it before and editing is hell, so dividing was a better option for quality reasons), but it won't be long until I post it.
> 
> Without further ado, hope you guys enjoy this ❤️

**October 12th, 1962 — 3:00 P.M.**

"Why don't you start the session today, Charles?" Dr. Kissinger said, eyes staring at Charles with the hope that he would accept the proposition and finally talk. Charles stared back at him, a cold smile appearing on his lips.

"What do you want me to say?" Charles' accented voice sounded fairly normal, but there was a glint in his eyes that made the doctor lean back a little, both surprised and scared at the tone and the fact that Charles was talking at all. "That my mom threw me here when I was eighteen because she couldn't stand being in a house with me? That she wanted to throw me away longer than that and that _'the voices'_ and my attempt against my own life were her excuse to finally getting rid of me?"

The other patients in the group stared at Charles with surprised looks, feeling the danger with each word he spoke. Charles leaned forward in his chair, smile widening in an almost amused manner as he held his hands together and kept his eyes on Kissinger.

"Or do you want me to talk about the voices that haunted me ever since I was a child? Do you want me to say that I don't hear them anymore or that I do so you can continue your work with me?" 

"I don't-"

"Well, I do still hear them, doctor, but I know what they are now. I control them. Most of the time, at least. Isn't that wonderful?"

"When you say you control them…"

"I control them." Charles huffed out a laugh, licking his lips for a moment as he felt his lips dry. "I control you. And that's why you'll forget!"

All it took was a touch of Charles' fingers to his temple — a grounding act, cold fingers on his skin to keep him in his own body as he touched other people's minds — and suddenly everyone's looks turned glassy, vacant, as if they weren't really there. All it took was a nudge, was Charles plucking the memory of his words from everyone there, until everyone's eyes went back to normal, and so did Charles, face as neutral as possible as he took a deep breath. It was a fresh enough memory to not be too tasking, but it still affected him.

"Why don't you start the session today, Charles?" Dr. Kissinger said again, and Charles held back a smile.

The telepath shook his head, not a word leaving his mouth and making Kissinger sigh. His mind seemed to still be aching to hear a word from Charles, and, this time, Charles couldn't hold back the knowing smile that filled his lips.

***

**October 14th, 1962 — 4:25 P.M.**

Charles sat alone at the common area in the hospital with his eyes closed, minds buzzing around him as he blocked them out as much as he could. Silence wasn't easy for him, not with his power, and specially not with all of the broken minds around him screaming for his attention. Even so, just dulling their sound was a blessing, and thankfully Charles had picked the time of the day where the place was less crowded. There were only a few other people there with him, standing up or sat far away from him, which was mostly Charles' doing; there was always a suggestion in the air to turn around and go somewhere else if someone got too close to him.

His eyes only snapped open when a new mind brushed against his, sharper than what he was accustomed with, more lucid than the ones around him, and soon he saw the owner of the mind getting escorted inside by three guards, hands restricted by handcuffs in front of his body. He knew some of the patients could be dangerous, both to others or themselves, and that was probably the reason why he was restricted, but that man didn't seem to be going through a breakdown right now. He seemed angry, but even so he looked calm as no other patient around him.

Charles watched the man quietly, seeing him walk against his will through the area, thin lips pressed on a line and cold eyes looking forward, not examining his surroundings like everyone new there usually did, as if he didn't want to see much of the hospital around him, satisfied in only look to where he was going. Charles noticed that he was right, that man's mind wasn't nearly as broken as the ones who Charles was used to dealing with, peaking the telepath's interest immediately and making Charles try to dig deeper to know who he was and what he was doing there. To Charles' surprise, he found out he couldn't. 

The man's eyes suddenly looked around as Charles frowned when he realized a wall as put between him and the stranger's mind. Charles knew that some parts of the mind were walled up unconsciously, kept a secret from not only him but the owner of the mind themselves, but this one was different. It was deliberate, put there by that man himself, keeping _Charles_ out. Soon, the man's eyes found Charles', and he realized that that stranger right there knew what Charles tried to do, he knew Charles was trying to get inside his head, making the telepath widen his eyes. The man's surface thoughts — the only thing that the wall didn't conceal — were a mix of curiosity and alert, as if Charles was a threat.

When the stranger disappeared with the guards, finally away from Charles' eyes, the telepath smiled, a thrill going through his body at the notion that the stranger had blocked him somehow, that he was different from what Charles had experienced in that hospital before, and he felt childlike joy fill him, as if he was just given a new toy to play with.

***

**October 18th, 1962 — 9:12 P.M.**

There were days in that hospital where Charles didn't feel like himself at all, where the minds around him seemed more agitated than normal, and suddenly he wasn't able to control his own powers properly.

He had years of practice now, had lived in that hospital for so long that he had the time to grow accustomed to people's minds and how they worked — that is, when he figured out that the voices in his head were from other people's heads and not his own, which took some time —, but there were days where it was impossible to keep people out. Sometimes he didn't know if the thoughts were his or from someone else. Sometimes he forgot who he was or felt like he wasn't in his own body anymore, and those days were the days where he needed something, _anything,_ to ground himself enough to go through that process.

At first it was pain, self inflicted, which kept Charles aware of his own body so he wouldn't lose himself by accident, but he found out after a while that getting sedated hurt less and gave him a moment of peace, which was far more pleasant than having to hide the marks on his own body from the nurses and doctors on the next few days after the dissociation episode.

He walked through the corridors with his feet bare against the cold tiles, the uncomfortable sensation at least giving him something to hold onto as he felt his mind come and go from person to person in that hospital — from patients to staff alike —, hands holding on to the walls as he did it to keep his body up, trying his best to keep his pace, vision blurry with so much stimulation coming from everywhere around the place. Sometimes he could hear his own breathing, sometimes it was someone else's breathing and he had to concentrate on his own body to keep himself moving. It always felt like a nightmare whenever it happened, the loss of control was terrifying.

Some people looked at him with curious eyes, but he had just enough control over his telepathy to nudge them to look away as he kept walking, to not care about the weird patient who seemed to be on the edge of a breakdown, sweating and looking completely off. He just needed to reach the nurse's office, it was always much quieter there, so he kept going as best as he could.

"You're not supposed to be here." a nurse called out when Charles finally reached the place, eyes wary of him and the state he was in. "You weren't called in-"

"You have to leave." Charles said, a command in his voice — even if it sounded distant for him —, and the nurse's mind took with some resistance.

Going against a mind, specially in the state Charles was, was hard, but thankfully soon the nurse was leaving the room and not bothering him anymore, allowing him time to go around the place in search for morphine so he could drug himself enough to rest and let the moment pass. He only stopped his search when he felt the sharp mind in the corners of his own, recognizing it from the other day and looking around to find that stranger from a few days ago staring back at him with curiosity, sat on one of the hospital beds available in that room. Charles didn't even notice him there at first.

 _Who's he?,_ the stranger's mind asked, Charles' lack of control not being able to block him off. _I felt him in my mind before…_

 _I'm afraid I'm inside it again, my friend,_ Charles sent over, feeling those same walls from the other day rise. Charles grinned at that, a small chuckle leaving his mouth. _Don't worry, I won't pry. But could you be a dear and help me find the morphine? I think the nurses figured out someone was stealing it and hid it from me._

The stranger looked at him for a moment before raising his hands, tied by plastic zip ties in front of his body, which Charles found weird since that wasn't the standard procedure for the patients there, and then finally noticed the man's black eye as well as a few bruises in his arms. Apparently the stranger had gotten into a fight. Charles got even more curious after that, but the feeling of not being in his body hit him again, almost making his fall to his knees, and he went back to his task of finding the morphine. He could deal with that man later. 

He found the drug hidden away next to the nurse's desk, taking a syringe and the small flask of morphine with him, as well as something to tie his arm with, to one of the vacant beds, staying very close to the stranger as he filled the syringe and started to drug himself. The moment the drug was in his veins, Charles felt his body relax since he knew the drug would soon sedate his body. He curled himself on the bed, while he waited for it to work, feeling himself lose control of his body multiple times in the twenty minutes it took for it to reach its peak. When it did, Charles fully relaxed, laying on his back and closing his eyes, feeling every part of him getting more and more relaxed. His mind started getting numb, the cacophony of minds around him dying down to a light buzzing that he was able to deal with. He took a deep breath, syringe still in hand, and smiled to himself at the moment of peace. The nightmare seemed to be over, and Charles felt terribly tired now.

"I'm Charles." he said out loud, even his voice still sounded distant, now for very different reasons. It took a few moments for the stranger to answer something.

"Erik."

 _"Erik."_ Charles repeated, rolling the sound of Erik's name on his tongue and smiling to himself at it, eyes still closed. "How did you block me from your mind, _Erik?"_

There was silence again for a few moments, making Charles forget he was even talking to someone as he almost slept on the bed, until Erik spoke again.

"You're not the first telepath I've met."

Charles opened his eyes at that, looking carefully at the stranger — now not so strange anymore since Charles had his name now — and felt his mouth hang open at the man's words. So Charles really wasn't the only one like he suspected.

"I don't like people going around my mind." Erik kept going, eyes cold and clearly making his words a threat for Charles, who only smiled drunkenly at him. "So I learned how to block your kind from me."

"Marvelous." Charles whispered, smile widening slightly, even if Erik's words were meant to offend. "But those walls are just an inconvenience, you know that right? I could break them easily-"

Charles' words were cut short by the syringe leaving his hand out of nowhere and floating next to him, the tip of the needle pressing dangerously to his throat, right over his Adam's apple. Charles leaned his head back against the pillows unconsciously, trying to get away from the thing and wondering what the hell was happening until he noticed the look in Erik's eyes and the way his surface thoughts were flooded with the notion that Charles was now fully a threat. It was Erik controlling the object, which almost made Charles scream in joy. 

_There are others,_ he thought to himself, smile now looking almost too happy for someone with a needle pointing to his throat. _More powers, not just telepathy._

"Try something," Erik started, voice low and dangerous, nothing that stopped Charles from smiling at him like he was the best thing in the world. "and I'll kill you."

"Oh," Charles chuckled, hand going to the syringe to touch it, reveling at the fact that it wouldn't move even when he tried to move it. "You'll be _fun."_

***

**October 21st, 1962 — 2:07 P.M.**

Charles left his therapy session earlier, had left Dr. Kissinger talking to himself with an illusion that Charles was still in that room, staring back at the doctor with disinterested eyes — such a normal thing and that the doctor already expected that it almost didn't take much from Charles' strength. It wasn't like Charles talked to him in the first place, or to anyone. There were only a few people who knew what Charles' voice sounded like, even fewer who remembered, since he was known to not speak with the staff and to keep his distance from everyone. That was what kept him inside the hospital in the first place, his lack of _'wanting to get better'._ That and the fact that he didn't really want to leave, always afraid that he would be worst on the outside world than in that small hospital he had to learn to call home.

His feet were bare again, not because he was overwhelmed but because he wanted to prevent it, cold feet against cold tiles as he walked carelessly towards the common area where he could feel Erik's sharp mind shining like a beacon for him, making him smile without even noticing at the thrill of having such a mind around him after so many years. Not even the staff's mind felt like that, he still had some trouble sometimes to differentiate patients from staff after realizing that broken minds didn't only belong to the ones they called crazy and sick. Charles knew he wasn't crazy, let alone sick, and yet he was there as a patient when his mind was less broken than the ones from a few people who worked in that place. The same cracks that existed in his own mind existed in everyone else there, failures in the brain that Charles could feel and, if he wanted, use those cracks to break a mind.

If he was honest with himself, never in his life he felt a mind that was whole. There were always cracks, or at the very least scratches in the surface, that he knew could break at any moment. That _he_ could break at any moment if he wanted to. Erik's was no different, he could feel the cracks in the other man's mind, even if he didn't know what caused them to be there, but it was still incredibly organized and as whole as it could be. For a telepath like Charles, who lived so long in that psychiatric hospital, it was something incredible.

Erik was there at the common area, a chess game in front of him as he played with another patient who seemed lucid enough to understand and play the game. Charles sent the patient a suggestion, a whisper of _'you don't want to be there anymore',_ seeing the older man get up from his chair and leave a confused Erik behind, staring at his game partner as he left him until he saw Charles. By the look in his eyes, it was clear that Erik didn't appreciate his presence there. But then again, when did it stop Charles from doing anything inside that hospital?

"You have therapy at this hour." Erik said coldly as Charles sat in front of him. The telepath only raised his eyebrows.

"And how would you know my schedule?" the answer came from Erik's mind before he could block himself from Charles again, making the telepath grin amusedly. "You naughty boy! Sneaking into the archive to steal your files… Why did you check mine, though?"

"To stay away from you as much as I can."

"Words hurt, you know?" but Charles' lips were still curved in an amused smile. Erik truly was starting to become more and more interesting in the telepath's eyes. "I'm guessing you used your powers to get into the archive since the door is always locked?"

"It's none of your business."

"What a mean guy." Charles sighed, looking at the chess game in front of him and starting to move the pieces around to restart the game. "Black or white?"

"I thought I made it clear that I don't want to be around you."

"Work with me, Erik." Charles raised his eyes again, turning the white pieces to himself, making the choice for Erik and starting the game as the other man gave him a cold stare. "I just want a game. Haven't played in years."

"I could tell the guards you're disrespecting your schedule."

"And I could put in their minds that you're a pathological liar and no one would believe you. Specially because Kissinger thinks I'm in the room with him right now." Charles shrugged, resting his head on his hand after and giving Erik another grin, eyes shining with a dare for Erik to try something. "Please make your move, my friend."

Erik gave him one last glare before huffing in defeat, the walls in his mind turning more solid as he now was alert around Charles, but he moved one of the paws on the board with his powers, the metal on the piece obeying to Erik's commands like the minds of the people around them would obey Charles'.

Charles' smile grew once more and he felt himself getting giddy as Erik gave in, accepted his company, even if begrudgingly, without him even having to use his powers to convince him to stay. He hadn't felt like this in a long time.

***

**October 25th, 1962 — 11:45 P.M.**

Charles should've been scared when Erik pushed him against a wall with a piece of sharp metal pointed to his temple, floating there menacingly with his powers, with Erik's forearm pressing against his throat in an almost constricting manner and making it hard for him to breathe, but he wasn't scared. Instead, he laughed, sounding as if that was the best thing that could've happened to him. Erik, in return, pressed the tip of the metal to Charles' skin, making the telepath whine slightly for a moment before the smile went back to his face, even if he could feel the drop of blood going down the side of his face.

"Get out of my way." Erik practically growled as he twisted the metal slightly with his powers, making Charles hiss with the pain. "I'll not hesitate on killing you."

"I'm trying to help you, you idiot." Charles laughed at that, feeling the exact moment that Erik was about to kill him for using those words.

It happened fast. Charles broke down Erik's walls as easily as if they were made of children's building blocks, finding the place in Erik's mind that gave him the ability to control his powers and shutting it off completely. Before the metal could sink into his head, it fell to the ground with a loud noise on the empty corridors, and Erik looked confused at it, slightly terrified.

"What? Did you really think I'd let you kill me like this?" Charles asked, pushing Erik away from him easily now that the other man had left his guard down. Erik took a few steps back, trying to will the metal up again with no success. "If you try to run away you'll only get hurt, Erik. I'm here to stop this stupid plan of yours."

"What did you do to me?"

"What I needed to survive. I think you can understand that, can't you?" Erik grunted but didn't say anything back. Charles smiled at him. "The guards have rubber bullets. You can't control these, can you? You'll get badly hurt and put on harder drugs to keep you from being a menace for yourself or others. I don't think you want to be drugged 24/7, do you?"

"And why do you care at all?"

"Because I like you, Erik." Charles said sincerely, smile softening slightly as he watched the other man roll his eyes. 

"Then give me my powers back."

"Once I'm at a safe distance I will. For now, just think of what I said."

"Just because you love this fucking place and are weak and doesn't want to leave doesn't mean that I'm not going to."

"I'm many things, Erik, but not weak. I think I proved that right now." Charles kicked the piece of metal to Erik's feet as a proof of his words, making Erik groan and turn his look away, still trying to control the metal with no success. "If you want to die or, in the best of scenarios, get put into harder medication once they catch you, go ahead with your plan. I'm just trying to warn you."

"Get out of my head."

"When I'm at a safe distance." Charles repeated, starting to walk away. "Have a good night, Erik."

As he arrived in his room, he looked around the hospital for Erik's mind, finding it easily in the middle of so many others, and switched his powers back on — for the lack of a better term. He felt when Erik noticed what happened, anger and relief mixed in his thoughts, and Charles smiled as he laid in his bed, realizing he had done that a lot the past few days. Ever since Erik arrived. The small cut on the side of his head didn't even bother him anymore.

***

**November 12th, 1962 — 10:16 P.M.**

Charles took the cigarette from Erik's hand and took a drag, blowing the smoke out into the cold night's air as they both sat at the hospital's roof. The stars weren't out that night, but the full moon shone brightly above them as they smoked together.

After Erik gave up on running away a few weeks ago, Charles had offered a few options to the other man so he could feel somewhat free even if he in reality he was confined. Erik, reluctantly, accepted, and soon smoking the cigarettes that Charles stole from one of the nurses became a ritual.

But, even if they did it together, Charles could still feel how uneasy Erik was around him, that he still didn't like Charles all that much and that Charles was just a way of having something to do in that place. Not only that, but Charles could see that Erik was constantly expecting Charles to break the barriers that he still tried to put up and control Erik just like he did with the others. Charles wouldn't do that, not unless it was strictly necessary — either for his own safety or Erik's safety —, so he pretended that he couldn't destroy Erik's barriers and just smoked quietly, cheeks turning red with the cold wind blowing on his face, enjoying having company for once in years.

"Why did you get put here?" Charles tried for conversation, the topic being something that he was truly curious about, taking another drag of the cigarette and blowing the smoke towards the black sky above him. "Other than you being violent sometimes, you don't feel like the kind of person to come to this kind of place."

Erik didn't answer, the wind blowing loudly around them as Charles waited, going quickly through Erik's surface thoughts to see what the other man was feeling right now. Erik's mind had become more alert at Charles' question, the walls around it even more solid now as he tried to keep whatever reason he had been put there as a secret. When Charles offered the cigarette again, Erik took it with a sigh.

"Tried to kill someone. Got caught by accident." he answered simply, making Charles frown.

"Isn't that something that should get people in jail?"

"Not when you're _mentally unstable."_ the last words were said with despise, an angry grin showing up in Erik's face before he took a drag of the cigarette himself and gave it back to Charles. 

"That doesn't make sense. Your mind is clearer than most."

"Something happened to me that gave the judge reason to believe I wasn't on my right mind. Then I got sent here." Erik once again was vague about what happened, giving only enough information to let Charles know _something_ had happened but keeping him curious all the same.

He only understood what the event that made the judge not send Erik straight to prison was when he saw the other man touch his forearm lightly, a reflex almost, sure that Erik didn't even notice that he done that. But Charles noticed, and he saw the numbers on Erik's skin, making him clench his jaw and understand now where those cracks in Erik's mind had come from, impressed that they weren't worse. 

"I see." was all Charles said, looking away from Erik and keeping his eyes on the dark horizon.

"What about you?" Erik's question had no real interest behind them, making Charles chuckle at the man's attempts of keeping a conversation going. "Only fair of you to tell me."

"I'm a telepath. At least that's what I call it. I've been hearing voices in my head ever since I was a child." Charles smiled, but there was no humor in it. It was self-deprecating as he remembered his childhood in his parents' mansion back in Westchester. "I never told anyone about them, I was afraid they would call me crazy, that they would put me in a place like this. But it got worse… So much worse…"

Charles paused, eyes lost in the horizon as he tried to push the memories back. His hand was shaking as he took another long drag of his cigarette, not worrying about looking at Erik to see his reaction. He hadn't talked about that in a while, he realized; kept it all to himself after realizing that no one would really understand or care about it. For all that the others in that hospital knew, he was just a schizophrenic man hearing voices. It took a moment for him to talk again.

"I dealt with it. Sometimes it was harder than other times. School was a living hell, as well as my family's social gatherings. Too many people in one small space, thinking, thinking, thinking… It was awful. But I lasted long I guess. Tried to kill myself at eighteen when everything was _too much_ for me. As you can tell I failed miserably." Charles gave a chuckle, still no humor behind it. This time, he could see that Erik was staring, his surface thoughts showing Charles that he was listening. The first one to listen. "I knew my mother didn't like me. Specially after my father's death. She got bitter towards me as if I was something bad in her life. And yet I trusted her. Stupid old me, thinking she would help me after I almost died. Looking back now I should've known she wouldn't pity me."

Charles looked at his own hands for a moment, at the lit cigarette burning slowly between his fingers, and pursed his lips, the memory of his mother bringing him bitter feelings that he usually pushed down whenever he could.

"She threw me here." he completed. He didn't smile this time. "I haven't heard from her after that."

There was silence after that, a comfortable one, as Charles' words settled between the two of them. It was the first time Charles talked properly about this, the first time someone actually _listened_ and understood, and he felt a heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders. Now he wasn't the only one who knew, who _truly_ knew, what he had gone through, and it felt good.

Erik asked silently for the cigarette from Charles. Charles gave him, watching the man take a drag and blow out the smoke through his thin lips, crystal blue eyes now darker thanks to the poor lighting of the roof. In his thoughts, Erik seemed to loosen up a little more to Charles, some kind of trust starting to be built there after Charles' story, and Charles finally smiled again.

Company felt good after years without it.


	2. But you had to have him, and so you did;

**November 14th, 1962 — 10:05 A.M.**

They were playing chess on the common area again when one of the patients started to make a fuss. Something had triggered the young man into a screaming fit, throwing stuff around the place and making the others start to get agitated with him. Charles and Erik looked at the scene with wide eyes, both took by surprise by all the noise, Charles slightly more startled at it, even if at this point he was used to seeing those kinds of episodes happening. As the nurses started to drag other patients away from the screaming man, they saw the moment the patient threw one of the chairs towards the guard that was going to grab him.

Charles knew that it could only end up in a mess after this. The guard who took the chair to the chest tried to grab the guy again, mind filled with rage and awful thoughts towards the patient. He wouldn't be kind, Charles knew that, had lived in that place long enough to know that some of the staff despised those people they deemed crazy, had suffered through it himself before being able to control his telepathy, so he did what he always did in situations like that, fingers going to his temple and freezing everyone but Erik in that room. Erik frowned next to him, slowly understanding that it was Charles' power keeping all those people still, and only watched as the telepath got up and walked towards the patient who started it all. 

He had done it before, a favor to his fellow patients when he wasn't too tired or overwhelmed, so it wasn't difficult for him to touch the man's temple and focus solely on his mind for a second. The mess inside the man's mind almost made him step back, too loud and noisy, agitated from being triggered, cracked and almost at the point of breaking fully. But Charles held on, closing his eyes and slowly putting the man's mind back into place, calming it, organizing it as much as he could even if it drained Charles greatly to do so. Once he was sure the man would be fine, he stepped back, taking a deep breath and feeling his head pulsating slightly with a headache. He really should practice that more, get used to it, so the headaches became less with time.

Charles turned himself to the guard, putting his fingers on the man's temple and getting flooded with all the rage and prejudice in that man's mind, whining quietly as his head hurt once more. For a moment, he lost control, all the rage becoming him, eyes turning glassy for a moment as he fought back for control and got himself back together. His head pulsated a little more, but he held on, keeping the man's mind to the man alone and not letting it overthrow his own. 

"What are you doing?" Erik asked, voice close behind him, but Charles didn't turn around.

"Fixing this mess."

Erik appeared by his side as Charles tried to decide what to do with the guard. A quick look around the man's mind gave Charles the information that he had hurt other patients before out of prejudice, making Charles groan and frown with anger at the guard, deciding quickly what to do. He felt the cracks in the man's mind, looked for a specific one that he knew would be there if that man was that violent. Base control was easy for Charles to break, specially when it was already fragile. Charles had done it before, knew exactly just how much pressure to put for it to happen, and he sighed as it broke under his control, letting go of the man's mind after that and stepping back to blink a few times, his own self control going away slowly as he played with other people's minds. Freezing an entire room and fixing/breaking someone's head was tiring. 

He felt Erik's hand on his shoulder for a moment, holding him still when Charles waved slightly on his own feet, as if he was going to fall. There was a clear question in Erik's eyes, wanting to understand what Charles was doing, and the telepath only shrugged.

"Changing the facts. Give me a moment."

Erik didn't stand in his way as he closed his eyes and whispered into the room a new set of events, changing everything that everyone saw in there into another completely different scene, before opening his eyes again and feeling his body slightly colder as the blood left his face. Thankfully, Erik was there to hold him when he felt his knees finally gave out.

"What happened?" there was a small amount of worry in Erik's voice now, making Charles smile amusedly through the exhaustion.

"It's okay. Let's get back to the table."

Erik hesitated, still trying to understand everything that was going on, but ended up helping Charles to his seat anyway. Charles sat down with a heavy sigh, closing his eyes and waiting for Erik to sit down again before letting everyone go of his hold.

When everyone was moving again, the guard started to scream, trying to jump at the patient from before with a crazed look as the two other guards stopped him by grabbing him by his arms. The patients, calmer thanks to Charles' influence, only watched as they dragged the guard away from the common area, probably to be restrained and lose his job after that. Maybe even end up in a hospital like that or a jail soon enough. Charles felt no remorse as he watched the scene unfold, blue eyes cold while seeing the guard go.

"What just happened?" Erik finally asked, voice filled with confusion and dread as he looked at Charles again, game of chess forgotten in front of them. He seemed to finally be aware of the extent of Charles' power.

"The guard was an asshole. He was just waiting for a reason to attack someone. In fact, had done that before without a reason." Charles explained, pulling his legs up and resting his head on his knees, still feeling it hurting badly at the strain of controlling so many minds at once. "I broke his mind and put in the other guards' minds that he was the one that started the fuss."

"You  _ broke his mind?" _

"Yes, I did." Charles raised his eyes momentarily before lowering his head again, only to glare at Erik. "Part of his mind, at least. Everyone has cracks in their minds due to trauma or whatever reason, how should I fucking know... If I put enough pressure into one of them it breaks, they lose part of themselves. I broke the man's self control, but I have to say it wasn't that hard, it wasn't whole in the first place. He'll have some real anger management issues that won't be fixed that easily, if it can be fixed at all."

"You have more power than I thought." Erik's voice was thoughtful now as he stared at Charles with admiration and dread at the same time. Charles raised his head to look at him with a disinterested look. "To do that to someone's mind… To turn someone into a crazy person-"

"He's not a crazy person now because of me."

"You said it yourself that you broke his mind."

"A broken mind doesn't mean crazy, Erik, and what I broke was the thin line that kept him from lashing out completely everytime he felt a spike of anger. I took from him the base control that tells us that we shouldn't punch our neighbor just because they are a mild inconvenience." Charles sighed, closing his eyes as his felt his head hurting still, putting his hands on his hair to pull it lightly, as if that would release the pressure inside his head. If Erik thought something of that, he didn't say, and Charles didn't pry. "Careful who you call crazy. People throw that word around too much to people whose behaviors are out of what they consider normal. You should know that, shouldn't you? You are here because you were called  _ 'mentally unstable' _ when you're just as sane as me. Sometimes people are just assholes, not crazy."

"Are you calling me an asshole?"

"Maybe I am." Charles raised his head again at that, still feeling his head hurting, but with a playful smile on his lips even so. He couldn't help but to smile at Erik.

For the first time, Erik smiled back. "Takes one to know one."

***

**November 19th, 1962 — 3:48 P.M.**

When Charles started to get overwhelmed again with the minds around him, he didn't think having Erik around would be so helpful.

He had started his ritual of walking barefoot towards the nurse's office like many times before, trying to keep himself inside his own body as he did that, and suddenly there were hands holding him and a clear mind shining around Charles almost like a lighthouse in the middle of a furious ocean. It took a moment for him to settle and look at Erik, to hear that the other man was speaking, asking him what was happening, and he felt himself hold onto Erik's mind like it was his anchor. For the first time in years, Charles felt like he wouldn't completely lose control.

"I need morphine." Charles said when he managed to speak, feeling his lips dry. "Everyone's too agitated today… I need to- Please stay close." 

Erik frowned, clearly confused, but nodded anyway, taking Charles to the nurse's office quicker than Charles could've done himself. He had an arm wrapped around Charles' waist, his free hand holding Charles' to make sure it stayed over Erik's shoulder for support. He dragged Charles through the halls, not stopping even when Charles stumbled on his own feet and almost feel to the ground. As they went, Charles almost lost control only twice, still able to feel his body, the cold ground under his feet and Erik's hands and body against his feeling like enough to ground him through it.

As always, the nurse tried to tell them they weren't supposed to be there, and Charles only told her to leave. She went without complaining while Erik helped Charles to lay on one of the hospital beds as he brought the morphine and a clean syringe to them with his powers. Charles was starting to enjoy more and more the other man's presence in that hospital with each day.

Charles moved to try and take the drugs, having his hand batted away by Erik who did it by himself the process Charles had done for years now, sticking the needle in Charles' arm with more care than the telepath expected. Charles curled his body like always as he waited for the morphine to fully work, body shaking a few times as his mind fluctuated around the hospital for a moment. It stopped when Erik sat on Charles' bed and touched his side carefully, and the telepath once again used Erik as his anchor. He felt the slight worry in Erik's mind as he looked down at Charles' weak frame, but felt as well the admiration the other man felt for him.

_ Stronger than he knows, _ Charles caught the stray thought, feeling himself relax a little more.

Unconsciously, his hand moved to stay over Erik's, to keep it on his body. An welcome touch. Erik thought about pulling his hand back for a moment, but he didn't. When the morphine started to have its effect, Charles sighed in relief, a dumb smile appearing on his lips as he turned his body to lay on his back. Only then Erik moved his hand away.

"Thank you, my friend…" Charles said, running a hand through his wet hair, sweat making it stick to his skin. "Everything is silent now."

"That happens frequently?"

"More than I'd like it to…"

There was silence for a moment, and Charles moved his body slightly, feeling his own muscles move and making sure he was still there. It was still him and his body, only Erik's mind now against his, barely perceptible under the haze of the morphine.

"Why don't you leave this place, Charles?" Erik finally said after a while, making Charles frown and look at him. "It's clearly not doing you any good."

Charles chuckled at that, amused at Erik's thinking, and shook his head. "And where would I go? I have no home, no family that wants me there… Everywhere I go I'd be overwhelmed by everyone's minds at some point. At least here I have the drugs to dull it down."

"Maybe somewhere quiet then. Away from people. Where you can get used to your powers properly."

"What, a house in the countryside?" Charles smiled at that, chuckling lightly, movements now more sloppy as the morphine took its toll on him. "That actually sounds rather nice… But I wouldn't want to be alone forever. I don't know if I could be alone after always having company…"

Charles touched his temple to make sure Erik understood what he meant, smile still on his face, sadder now after letting himself imagine a peaceful life, without morphine or broken minds that weren't his own. Erik was watching Charles once again, surface thoughts showing a bunch of mixed feelings that Charles couldn't quite identify in the state he was in.

"Maybe you need to be alone for once." Erik's voice was quiet, eyes softer than normal as he looked down at Charles. "You've never been alone. Just lonely."

***

**November 22nd, 1962 — 12:45 A.M.**

"Any privacy would be nice, you know?" Erik grunted as he turned his head on his pillow to look at Charles.

Charles smiled a Cheshire Cat smile, shrugging as he walked through Erik's room, looking around at the small space that looked at lot like his own room thanks to the hospital's standard layout. He wasn't really there this time, it was just a projection, and a quick glance into Erik's surface thoughts told him that the man knew that Charles wasn't there. Charles had projected to Erik before, briefly, and Erik had screamed at him to stay out of his head that day, making the friendship that been growing between them get shaken a little bit. This time, however, Erik didn't seem to be bothered by it for whatever reason.

"Privacy in this place is nearly impossible, my friend." Charles finally said, jumping on Erik's desk in front of his bed — the only other piece of furniture, except from an uncomfortable chair and the bed, that was allowed inside the rooms — to sit atop of it, grin still painted on his lips as Erik sat on his bed to watch the telepath properly. "I don't know if you noticed but the doors don't have locks."

"Doesn't mean you should barge in into people's rooms. I'd think that that's just common decency."

"I didn't barge in. I'm not even truly here! And even if I wanted to get into your room, I wouldn't be able to since you found your own  _ special way _ of locking the door." Charles waved towards the door, seeing again the way the metal of the door handle melted against the door frame, making Erik's the only locked patient's room in the entire hospital. "You  _ do _ know you'll have to fix that before the morning, right?"

"I'll try my best." he said quickly, clearly wanting to get these words out of the way before saying something again. "Why are you here?"

Charles moved his legs back and forth as his eyes watched Erik, smiling dismissively and looking around for a moment more before saying what he wanted to say.

"I noticed you've been monitoring the patterns of the workers here for the past few days." Charles said, almost dismissive as he shrugged at the information that he himself had said. Even so, his eyes showed that he very much cared about it. "I've warned you before, Erik. Trying to escape might cost you more than what you are expecting."

"I'm willing to try."

"Please. All you'll get is to be sedated after being deemed too dangerous to stay conscious for too long." Charles waved his hand, still acting as if Erik was being gullible. "Let go of that idea, Erik. Take this as advice from a friend."

Charles stared at the man laying on the bed, certain that maybe he would be able to stop Erik from hurting himself in the process of trying to run from the hospital, even using his own powers to sound more persuasive than normal — not controlling, but suggestive. But persuasion only worked on minds that weren't so sure of their goals, of what they wanted, and he could feel how Erik's sharp mind seemed to not even shake at the suggestion of failure. Charles smile faded slowly, eyes staring Erik with incredulity. 

"Thank you for your concern, but I have to leave. And you should leave too."

"You do realize that it is a bad idea, right?"

"May be. Still, I will try." Erik shrugged, grey eyes dark in the barely lit room. "This isn't the place for me and I don't intend on staying longer than what I need to."

"You'll hurt yourself-"

"Tell me, Charles," Erik cut him, making the telepath close his mouth immediately and look at the other man with curious eyes. "Are you worried about my well being or yours?"

_ "Mine?" _

"Yes, yours. How long have you spent here without someone to talk to?" Erik pushed his covers away, getting up from the bed and walking slowly towards the table, voice low and demanding. Charles only watched with wide eyes. "Someone who didn't have a  _ broken mind, _ as you say. Someone who understood you, an equal. Am I the first? Will I be the last if I escaped? Are you worried about my safety, about if I'll be sedated or not, or are you worried you'd be alone here if I left? Lonely all over again?"

"I don't-"

"Help me escape, Charles." Erik's hands landed on each side of Charles' body on the desk, next to the telepath's thighs, face near Charles' as his words sounded soft and pleading, a suggestion for Charles to consider. "Come with me and you won't be alone in this place again. This is  _ not _ the place for us."

"I am fine here." Charles answered, voice wavering slightly as he moved his body backwards, uncomfortable with Erik's sudden closeness, projection or not. "It would be worse outside, I told you already."

"But I'd be there. Even when you weren't here, in this hospital, did you have someone, Charles?" Charles pursed his lips, feeling his hands shaking, his projection doing the same. The answer to that was  _ no. _ "You wouldn't be alone to deal with your powers.  _ We _ wouldn't be alone. Help me leave and come with me."

"Why do you want to leave so bad?" Charles' voice was weak now as he considered Erik's offer, and the other man's face darkened with the question.

"The man I tried to kill and failed," Erik's voice sounded threatening now, there was anger there, but it was not directed at Charles. The telepath just listened, slowly getting used with Erik's proximity, almost comfortable with it, even if it was just his mind there. "I need to finish what I started. Kill that bastard."

"You'll just get locked up again if they catch you. Doesn't sound like a good plan to me."

"It's a risk worth taking after everything he made me go through."

Erik hesitated for a second, eyes locked on Charles'. Charles waited for whatever Erik was getting ready to do, he could feel the man's thoughts swirling with a mixture of uncertainty, doubt and dread, until it turned into something close to trust and hope. Erik's hand took his, hesitating for a moment more as he wondered if he could even touch Charles as a projection, but soon he was guiding Charles' hand to his temple. For a moment, Charles only focused on how warm Erik's hand was, until he understood what Erik meant by that gesture.  _ Permission. _

"Erik-"

"Go on. See for yourself what happened. Maybe you'll understand why I want to run away so bad then."

Charles hesitated, looking at Erik for a few moments more and waiting for him to change his mind, but he didn't. The telepath sighed, moving his other hand to Erik's temple as well and entering Erik's mind for the first time properly, feeling the walls around it crumble down for him.

There was a path in Erik's mind indicating the memory that he wanted Charles to see, and Charles followed it, being hit by a wave of pure pain, hate and anger as he reached the memory. He had to focus on himself for a moment to remember those were not his feelings or his memory, the sheer intensity of it making Charles almost lose the connection. When he steadied himself, the memory started playing in front of him vividly, more clear than any memory he had ever seen before in someone else's minds. Each detail seemed clear as day, with only the borders blurred out. It was an often visited memory, one that never left Erik's mind, nevermind how old it was now, for it to be so clear, so detailed.

He saw through Erik's eyes for a moment, seeing Erik's reflection somewhere in the room and losing his breath at how young Erik was — just a boy. There was fear and nervousness in that boy as he looked at an older man apologetically in front of him, a coin placed on the desk in front of Erik for him to move but that he couldn't. When Charles managed to take control of himself again, he was standing there in the room, watching that boy and the man with his own eyes, but Erik's feelings still clear to him.

Then there was the boy's mom, dragged in by guards, and Charles felt the fear inside the young Erik grow, the despair arrive as the older man held a gun towards the boy's mom. There was numbness for a moment when the man shot, when the  _ thud _ of a body hitting the ground was heard, and then came rage and pain so strong that Charles almost backed away from the connection again, the memory now tainted red on the borders as it kept going, more shaky as if it was harder for Erik to remember that exact moment. He felt and saw as that boy started feeling every bit of metal in that nightmare room sing for him, as his rage made the metal bend at his will, killing the guards that had held the boy's mom before and destroying the room. The rage didn't go away when the man got closer to him, when the coin he didn't manage to move before was placed in the palm of his hand.

After that, there were flashes of torture, less clear now, memories that Erik didn't really visit much but were still there. When Charles came back to himself, he was crying, hands still on Erik's temple as the other man looked at him with a stern face. But Charles could see the pain in his eyes, even if there were no tears left.

"You poor man…" Charles managed to say, voice breaking as the tears fell.

"Help me leave." Erik's voice was weaker now, softer, as he raised one hand to wipe away one of Charles' tears. Charles felt the warmth of his hand as if Erik was truly touching his face. "And come with me. I want you by my side."

Charles stared at him for a moment and Erik waited, his mind showing that he was honest, that he wanted Charles to go with him. Part was because of what Charles could do, of his powers, and how it would benefit Erik, but there was the desire to take Charles away from that place, to protect the telepath — even if it was faint, buried deep as if Erik didn't want to think of it that much —, and to have someone by his side after so many years alone. To have company.

After a while, Charles nodded, although still uncertain.

Erik's eyes widened with the nod, shining with a happy glint, and a small smile appeared on his lips, genuinely pleased. His hand went to the side of Charles' face, holding it softly as Charles instinctively leaned against the touch, searching comfort on that and letting his own hands fall from Erik's face to hold Erik's hand there.

It felt peaceful.

***

**November 28th, 1962 — 1:57 A.M.**

The night they decided to run away, Charles had to work himself to the brink of exhaustion to make sure no one would look for them after leaving. Erik had the easy work, he would just have to move the cameras away from them as they went through the hospital so they wouldn't be filmed leaving. Charles, however, had to mess with everyone's minds in that place.

He focused on the staff — guards, nurses and doctors —, knowing that those would be the ones who could cause them problems, reaching their minds and placing an idea there. Erasing their minds was too much, he would have to selectively find the memories of himself and Erik in them and carefully erase them, which would be a nightmare considering Charles had lived in that place for years now. Instead, there was a whisper in their minds now that would come up whenever they thought of the two men, if they cared enough to think of them.

_ He left, finally got discharged, _ the whisper said.

Somewhere in the building, Charles made a doctor make the documents that would make it official. 

He needed to close his eyes for a moment before they actually tried to leave so he could recover himself. Erik had held him close the entire time, hands moving on Charles' arms as a way to keep himself in his body, to remind Charles where he was and that he wasn't alone so he wouldn't get overwhelmed. Getting overwhelmed at that moment wasn't a good idea, after all.

Even so, his head felt like it could explode at any minute.

When Charles felt a little better, they started to leave. Charles used his powers again, making the guards ignore the both of them as they walked to the exit while the cameras moved to filme a corner where they wouldn't show on the recordings. The whole time, Erik held Charles' hand, both to stay close to the telepath and to keep Charles assured that he was still there. He knew Charles was still uncertain and afraid of leaving, knew that Charles expected to be discarded after Erik got what he wanted from him — after all, being thrown away was all Charles knew thanks to his mother —, but there was a constant assurance coming from Erik that it was the two of them together now, that Erik wouldn't leave him behind, which made Charles confident enough to keep going.

They thought that they had done it once they were outside the doors of the hospital, cameras pointing away from them, the cold night making them shiver slightly, but Charles should've known that it wouldn't be that easy. When he stopped using his telepathy, he felt once again the telltale signs that he would lose control of himself in a moment, specially if they didn't leave that place and its many minds behind soon, and he was walking side by side with Erik when Dr. Kissinger appeared in front of them, making the three of them stop. Charles hadn't felt him coming.

But the doctor's presence there only made it clear that Kissinger wasn't in the building when Charles altered everyone's memories, so he knew that Charles wasn't supposed to leave. In their surprise, neither Charles or Erik managed to stop the doctor from screaming for the guards. 

Before Kissinger could do something else, however, a small piece of metal — one that Erik had stolen from the hospital on their way out — had already crossed the doctor's throat. He fell to the ground, choking and putting his hands on his throat as he slowly died from Erik's attack, and Charles widened his eyes, taking a step back, the sudden change in Kissinger's mind until it completely vanished making Charles' situation worse. He could feel himself starting to dissociate, his mind brushing against the minds of everyone in his surroundings, getting some grounding only when Erik grabbed his wrist tightly and called his name.

He didn't have time to think properly after that, only feeling clearly the group of guards that now were outside the building and starting to point guns at them, telling them to say still as they saw Kissinger's body on the ground. Charles' mind could only process that he was in danger, that those people would hurt him and Erik if they didn't do something, and the memory of Kissinger's mind slowly dying down like a flame without oxygen was still fresh in his memory, so that's what his mind held onto. 

Charles turned to the guards, sensing that Erik was ready to try and kill those men as well, but some already had their fingers pressing the triggers. They would be hurt or killed before Erik could do anything to the guns.

Charles was faster than the guards and Erik, taking hold of the guards' minds and repeating the feeling he had from Kissinger's mind on theirs, shutting them down as if he was blowing into a candle. One by one, the guards fell dead, without a single bullet being shot, and Erik seemed thoroughly confused until he understood what happened and turned to look at Charles. The telepath had a blank expression on his face as he wavered slightly on his feet, and Erik had just a moment to react before Charles fell to the ground, catching the telepath's trembling body in his arms and trying to keep him up as Charles still felt completely out of himself.

"Charles?" Erik called out and Charles reacted, looking up at him as he tried to breathe properly, eyes completely lost. "Are you-"

"Out." Charles managed to say, his own voice sounding distant. "Let's leave. We need to leave."

Erik didn't lose time, putting one of Charles' arms over his shoulder and helping him walk away from the hospital, picking him up fully in his arms when he noticed Charles was stumbling on his own feet and stopping midway his own steps. Charles clinged to him tightly, trying to focus on the feeling of Erik's body against his and Erik's sharp mind around him, using it as his anchor once more to keep himself from dissociating again. The uncomfortable feeling of a mind disappearing was still in the back of his mind, only overthrow by the comfort that Erik brought him.

When they were far away enough, in a car that Erik stole, Charles marveled at the feeling of not being able to fully feel other minds that weren't Erik's with the speed they were going, happy to feel the satisfaction in Erik's mind after being able to escape, even with the deaths that occurred that night. And, even when he did feel like he would lose control over himself again, Erik's hand would hold his and bring him back to his own body.

Maybe that would work after all.


	3. Some things you let go in order to live;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand here's the end to what's basically a retelling of First Class if Charles and Erik were sent to a mental hospital and wasn't able to fully control his powers. I really enjoyed writing this story and I had to give it a sweet ending because, Dark Charles or not, I like giving him and Erik a chance to stay together (and with dark Charles there are more chances for that to happen since their views aren't so far off here hehe). But this story was a great way for me to write something darker with more pain than I usually post here because that's my favorite thing to write. I have a kink for making characters suffer ✌️😗
> 
> Anyway, I truly hope you guys liked the last chapter and this epilogue (and the story in general) and thank you for everyone who read it! I really appreciate every comment and kuddo that I receive.
> 
> Enjoy the sweet epilogue ❤️

**_Erik_ **

**October 14th, 1965 — 10:24 P.M.**

It was dark and cold that night, Erik's cheeks flushed with the cold from the biting wind hitting his face as he finished taking the wood to put in the fireplace of the house. Before entering the front door, he looked at the small house in the middle of nowhere, trying to plan how he would be able to expand it at some point. Charles always complained about the small kitchen and how he would like a first floor someday, so maybe Erik should start with the kitchen and think about the first floor idea sometime soon. He couldn't lie that the small house felt pretty cramped even with just two people living in it.

When he entered the house it was quiet, and the only light in the living room was the fire on the fireplace, already small as it died down slowly. There were a few books scattered around, mostly science books but a few fiction novels as well. Charles always said fiction didn't really catch his interest, not when he already lived the life that those books tried to convey in its pages, and that he always liked science when he was younger and still lived with his family.

"Maybe I can try to get college education soon. I'd like that." Charles said once, a dreamy smile on his lips as he looked at Erik for reassurance.

Erik had called him a nerd to get to the telepath's nerves, but had encouraged him afterwards, getting a soft kiss from the other man for his support. The memory made him smile to himself and take his boots out by the door, putting the firewood aside and walking barefoot around the small living room to fix the mess Charles had left behind.

He picked the books that he knew Charles had already finished and put them neatly on the bookshelf next to the fireplace, knowing that his efforts would be for nothing since he knew Charles would take the books out again the next day just to look for a piece of information he wanted to remember, causing a mess all over again. Erik didn't really mind, he used to at the start, but now at least Charles' mess was something to fix at the end of the day. The books he knew Charles was still reading, he put neatly stacked on the table that was beside Charles' favorite chair for him to take the next morning while he had his beloved morning tea.

He took a few glasses and mugs that were around the house — both his and Charles' — washing them on the kitchen sink and enjoying the comfortable silence of the house. Once he was finished, he took the wood he had gathered again and walked to their room, stopping at the door to look at Charles for a moment.

Charles was sleeping soundly on their bed, projecting his calm and the warm feeling of the sheets over his skin and the comfortable warmth of the fireplace in their room into Erik's mind unconsciously, as well as parts of his dreams. After years of nightmares, they were calm dreams, even if Erik wasn't there to hold him and calm the telepath in his sleep like he had to do ever since they left the hospital.

Charles wasn't able to sleep alone after leaving the hospital, not when all the certainty of a routine was taken from him when he left, which didn't help the telepath in anyway with his mental health. He started getting anxious easily, reacting badly to any kind of change that happened, and if it was anyone else Erik would've been glad to just leave them behind instead of slowing down for the person. But it was Charles, the only person Erik fully trusted ever since his mother died and he was under Klaus Schmidt's claws; the only person who had his permission to be in his mind, to see things that Erik wouldn't share with anyone else.

Instead of leaving, Erik got closer. Sometimes, Erik would lay down with Charles and run his thumbs on Charles' temples — which he had found out to be soothing for the telepath — and tell him what they would do the next day so Charles had at least some comfort, some kind of routine and control to calm his anxiety.

"We'll have breakfast on that diner that you liked next to the hotel," Erik would say, voice soothing as Charles' blue eyes stared at him in search of something for him to feel better. "and then we'll get on the road again. We can stop somewhere if you want to, you'll just need to ask. I'll be there the whole time."

It usually helped, and Charles was able to sleep, even if the nightmares were still there. After a while, Erik gave up on sleeping in a different bed than Charles, holding the telepath through his sleep so he could feel calm again and not feel alone. Erik had to admit that he himself felt better sleeping close to Charles, with someone who he felt he could trust and who would be by his side after being alone for so long.

It had taken a whole year for Erik to finally track Schmidt — or Shaw, the name he adopted after coming to USA —, and he made sure to not fail again when he finally had Shaw in front of him. But, without Charles, he wouldn't have been able to kill Shaw. Charles was the one who countered Emma Frost when she tried to get to Erik, who stopped Azazel and Janos from being a threat, and who kept Shaw frozen in place while Erik drove that coin through Shaw's head. He had found out later that it had hurt Charles as well, had held Charles against him and apologized, told him that he should've said something, but Charles only smiled through the pain and held Erik's face.

"I've felt worse." Charles had said, which didn't really calm Erik that much, but was enough to let Erik know he was fine.

The night after they killed Shaw was when they shared their first kiss, when both of them felt that they could rest and give in to that small gesture that both of them had wanted to do for a while now. He held Charles close when the uncertainty came to the telepath's mind of what Erik would do next, if Erik would leave him now that he got what he wanted, and he made sure to let Charles know that he wouldn't, that they would stay as they were. Together.

That night, Erik decided to stop, to focus on Charles and help the other man who still had trouble with his powers, who never really got to rest during their hunt. He had found that small house in the countryside, away from everyone and calm, where Charles wouldn't be overwhelmed with people's minds anymore. They moved in, uncertain of the future, and a year later they were still there, living a normal enough life for two people who weren't normal.

Erik smiled at Charles' sleeping form, moving around the room to put more wood into the fire to last the night as they slept, starting to undress to get in the bed with the telepath, hugging Charles' body close like he knew the other man liked it. He had always said that Erik's touch and mind were grounding for him, and Erik was more than glad to provide him what he needed. He pressed a kiss to Charles' nape before closing his eyes.

Before Erik fell asleep, he felt Charles' hand move to hold the arm that was draped over his waist, making Erik smile a little more as a soft feeling of safety was projected into his mind, coated with the haziness of sleep. Charles felt safe there, in Erik's arms, and that was all that mattered to Erik.

After all this time, Erik felt safe as well.


	4. You sing it out loud, "Who made us this way?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALT. ENDING: Bad Ending.
> 
> _[It starts at the second to last scene from Chapter 2]_
> 
> **TW: Bad (selfish) use of telepathy. Charles changes a mind.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL HELLO THERE! I know that this fic was finished BUT I ended up getting the inspiration for another chapter where I would put the "bad ending" of this story here.
> 
> When I was planning it I started out with the happy (good) ending in mind, but as I was writing I ended up coming up with a different way things could've gone, and this is it. I didn't want to end it with the bad ending because I wanted it to have Hurt/Comfort at the end but now that it's finished I can give you guys the alternative ending where things doesn't really go as Erik planned OOPS. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this, thank you all a lot for the support on this one ❤️

**November 22nd, 1962 — 12:45 A.M.**

_ {...} _

"You poor man…" Charles managed to say, voice breaking as the tears fell.

"Help me leave." Erik's voice was weaker now, softer, as he raised one hand to wipe away one of Charles' tears. Charles felt the warmth of his hand as if Erik was truly touching his face. "And come with me. I want you by my side."

Charles stared at Erik for a moment, blue eyes watching as Erik's own shone with the hope that he would accept it, that Charles would leave with him. And, for a moment, Charles thought about it. A small flame of hope flourished in the telepath's chest at the thought that maybe he could have a different life with Erik by his side, not being alone anymore, with someone who understood — even if partially — Charles' struggles. Maybe he could finally  _ live. _

But the hope died down quickly, fragile thing that it was, when fear came.

_ He will leave you; he's using you, _ a small voice in Charles' head said, taking hold of Charles' thoughts in an instant. He checked Erik's mind to search for some kind of clue that he was right, that Erik only wanted to use him to leave and then throw him away, abandon him like everyone in Charles' life had done so far. He found nothing to prove that voice right, but it still wouldn't shut up.

_ He will throw you away once he's done with you. Why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't anyone? You'd be alone out there. You'd die, and no one would care. _

Erik seemed to see the way Charles' expression changed as he thought about it, tears still falling from Charles' eyes with the pain of thinking — of  _ knowing _ — that Erik would only use him, and Erik took a step back, suddenly wary of the telepath. Charles only watched as Erik's expression hardened slightly, mind shifting from the open and inviting it had become when Erik shared his memories with the telepath to the closed and careful state that it normally was.

"It's a pity, really." Erik said, and Charles only stared, trying to keep his projection stable as his control wavered thanks to the strong emotions. "I really thought… I thought you would come."

Charles wiped his tears away with his shirtsleeves, jumping from the desk and standing up as Erik only observed him closely. He thought about leaving, about going back to his body and sleeping to calm himself, but he couldn't. Not when Erik still wanted to leave, the desire to be free and go after that man who killed his mother and tortured him still clear in Erik's thoughts, the fact that Charles had touched those memories and the hate and pain that came from them giving him easy access to them now. And even if Charles thought that Erik just wanted to use him, Erik was right before. Charles didn't want to lose him. He was the only company Charles had in years, the only  _ friend, _ and he didn't want to lose that.

His expression changed to one of sadness that made Erik frown when he saw it on the telepath's face. For a moment, everything in Charles' head was resumed to the fact that he didn't want to lose Erik, that he couldn't lose him after having him, and that Erik couldn't leave. Part of himself hated the idea that came into his mind, but that voice in his head got louder and louder, making him believe that it was the only way Erik would stay. The only way that Erik would stay with  _ him.  _

"I'm sorry, my friend…" Charles' voice broke as he said it, making Erik take another step back for good measure, surface thoughts warning him that Charles now was a threat. And he was. "I can't lose you."

Erik tried to run, but running from Charles was impossible when he was already in Erik's mind. The running resumed, Erik standing still against his will as Charles' projection approached him from the back, hugging Erik's body and pressing his face to the other man's back, eyes wide open and tears streaming down, wetting the fabric of Erik's shirt, as he held tightly to Erik's body and mind.

"I'm sorry." Charles muttered against Erik's body, his mind loud now, fighting against Charles' control. But he would lose. "I'm sorry…"

Charles couldn't bring himself to erase Erik's memories, even if maybe that would be safer in case Erik remembered what Charles had done there, so he only blocked it, building a wall around them that Erik would never be able to cross. On one side of the wall, the one blocked away from Erik, was his desire for revenge, the rage and hate he carried that made him want to leave; On the side Erik still had access there were better memories, and buried between them a small whisper telling him to stay there, to stay with Charles. Once Charles was done, Erik's body relaxed and he stood still for a moment, his brain trying to get used to its new state. Charles just waited, arms still tight around Erik's body and tears still flowing freely from his eyes as the conflict inside his own mind settled.

He did what he needed to survive, and what he needed to survive was Erik there with him.

After a few seconds, Erik's hands moved to touch Charles', not taking them away from him, but holding them in place, keeping Charles there.

"What are you doing, Charles?"

"Are you going to leave me?" Charles' voice was almost a whisper in the dim lit room.

He grimaced for a moment at the way Erik's mind felt, as if there was  _ something _ making it halt with the question. That something was Charles, was the command he placed there, and it felt completely unnatural how Erik's mind tried to go around the command but not being able to, ending up always in the same conclusion

_ Stay with Charles, _ the whisper in Erik's mind said.

"I'm not going to leave you." Erik voiced, quiet and confused, as if he himself didn't believe his own words.

For a moment, Charles almost felt remorse.

"Good." was all that the telepath said as he pressed his body tighter against Erik's, seeking comfort there, and Erik allowed him, turning around and hugging Charles properly.

And Charles stood there in Erik's arms, trying to convince himself that the fondness coming from the other man's mind was real.

***

**November 28th, 1962 — 9:56 P.M.**

Charles entered Erik's room, eyes looking at the man laying on the bed as he approached it. Erik moved slightly to give Charles space to lay with him in the narrow bed, smiling at the telepath and making Charles smile back.

"Why are you here?" Erik's voice was soft as he raised one hand to brush away a few locks of hair that fell over Charles' face.

"Just wanted to be with you." Erik chuckled at that, light hearted.

"I won't go anywhere."

"I know." Erik frowned slightly at the way Charles sounded just then, but Charles only smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kuddos are always appreciated! ❤️
> 
> Find me on [tumblr!](https://hellfre.tumblr.com/)


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